*sigh*... Where do i start???... :'(
Just a normal ordinary night for me.. as am watching the world cup alone... ive been texting with MinRa when suddenly smstwit updated me wit Taec's Tweet... It was like 3am my time so its like 4am in Korea...my heart just dropped after im reading his tweet....
i just broke down... i can't sleep! i don't know what to think at that moment... it feels like somebody just stabbed me straight to my heart!...Seriously i dont really think Taec shud tweet that....
Im thinking all morning...what do people will respond to that... especially ajumma... This is just too hard for me... damn hard!.. im crying thinking what im gonna do now... im so lost!... *sigh* .. still i wanna think positively.. but im not that delusional to just ignored that tweet.... my twitter timeline seems calm when i log in.. everyone seems like nothing happen..keep their eyes blinded.. *sigh* .... Ajumma been bashing him.. Funny things..i just let it be... is that i dont care anymore?.. it feels like i dont want to protect him anymore....everything about 2PM slightly changing.. i know its Taec who tweeted that but the whole 2pm were in it....The person who hurted the most was my 'ipar' MinRa.. cause he was her bias!.. gosh!.. too hard!... *crying*..
I know he's too tired and stressed out!... but still i dont think that tweet shud come out!.. its like u hated ur fans so much.. you don't need us anymore???? ..... it is wrong for the fans whos been yelling ur name outside ur dorm..DAMN WRONG! but...Taec..Taec..Taec.. why??? *crying*
What's make u and i (fan) different was...i am an ordinary people.. where ure somebody!.. ure a STAR..and there's so many people adored u!!! no matter how hard it was.. u have to be patient.. there's no 'private life' for u right now...u have to deal with it...im trying hard to understand ur situation...but atleast what u can do is ask politely..ur tweet sounds arrogant to me.. selfish!... seriously..im hurted by this..*crying*
You know...since last Febuary..to be exact after 27th/02 when the conf is over..i've decided to stay behind your back trying to protect you in any bad vibes..seeing/reading any bashing toward u makes me hopeless...but still i am staying strong behind u..in case u fall..i might lift u up!..its u guys making me this strong!
until one point... i dont know what to think... i love u guys to death at the same time i really wanna hate u!... this is what happen to me when im deeply into u guys..when this day comes.. it torn me apart!... u ripped my fragile heart!... how am i gonna fix it by myself?? u tell me.... tell me please....its just 1 mistake by 1 person.. and am hating the others for NOTHING!..... tell me what shud i do????? *crying*...
Now i just can't listen to ur songs... ive changed my ringtone... ive changed my wallie ( sorry bb..if i dont do this...everytime i look at u it reminds me of Taec's tweet...... ) To be fair... the others has nothing to do with this... but stilll.. looking or listening to 2pm makes my heart pounded real fast!... and its not a good thing as for now...*crying* ....
I Might sees things differently from now on...I don't know how it will turn out later.... I don't know what will happen tomorrow... whats my life would be after this...
If only u know how much me and MinRa been talking/spazzing about u guys 24/7 for the past 4months....ure in our life now!.. a part of my life.. a part of me.......
I still want to believe that my perspective toward u guys will change.... Back to normal... changing to what it shud be... I wanna be happy thinking about you guys... but it takes time...
I love you all to death!... nothings compared my love to you all...*crying*
I wanna be strong forever for you guys...i wanna feel the love like i never felt it before....
I LOVE u all! but this just too much (as for now)....I wanna keep it low for atleast a few days...
Im writing this with tears running down....with so much emotions...with lots of thinking....
you're still on the top of my list..dont worry that..
but the scar u've left is nowhere near healin....this pain won't heal easily....
Hate to say this..*crying*.....
But this is "The Day Im taking 1 Step Backward from you" *crying*crying*crying*crying
20th June 2010 (Sunday)~
BGM "I Can't"~4Men